Everyone has a story of how they
started in triathlon. For some, it is a
challenge, or a way to compete. For some
it is to finish, and for some it is to win, while for others it is to keep
getting better, stronger, faster, fitter.
And for some, it is a road to healing, of reclaiming identity. Let me introduce you to Renee, from Duluth,
MN, and to share a little bit of her story that touched my heart. I hope you’ll be moved as well.
In 2004, Renee found out she was
pregnant with her first child, but weeks 17-29 of her pregnancy was spnet lying
in a hospital on her right side. She had
lost all but a few centimeters of amniotic fluid, and this was the best
position for the baby. Miles was born at
29 weeks, and lived for 9 hours.
Heartbroken, she left the hospital unable to walk after having spent 3
months bedridden in one position.
Physical recovery was slow as her body had to learn to move again;
emotional recovery was even slower.
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| Renee in 2006, between pregnancies |
Wanting to try for another baby the
next year, Renee was put on an aggressive corticosteroid regimen to try to
fight off any possible inflammatory response her immune system would have to
the pregnancy. It also caused her weight
to soar to over 200 pounds, but when they found out she was pregnant, she was
still optimistic. This second pregnancy,
however, was unfortunately similar to the first. She gave birth to her daughter, Julia, at 21
weeks. She lived for 6 minutes, and was
buried next to her brother. They decided
not to try again.
Lost in the midst of depression,
anxiety, PTSD, overwhelming grief, and memories of her children, even alcohol
and prescription drugs proved no escape.
There was hopelessness, and more weight gain. Finally, Renee turned to a grief counselor,
and the couple decided to pursue adoption.
They were chosen by a birth mom in
the spring of 2007, and several months later they surprisingly discovered that
they were also expecting again. They
decided to let the pregnancy run its course on its own, bracing themselves for
the worst. They brought home their
adopted daughter, Joscelyn, in October of 2007 at 2 days old. Against all odds and having to fight through
a fragile pregnancy, their daughter, Olivia, was born just 9 weeks early in
February of 2008. She spent 5 weeks in
the NICU, before she was able to come home.
Alive. Renee now had more reason
to live than what she had felt just a year prior.
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| Preemie Olivia the day she was born |
Olivia was her 7th
pregnancy, and fourth invasive abdominal surgery, and having spent years on
steroids, the scales tipped at 238 pounds (though only 5’4”) by Olivia’s first
birthday in 2009. After being diagnosed
as pre-diabetic, and a weight loss pill not helping, Renee started
running. She lost 5 pounds, then 10, and
then ran a 5K in memory of the children she lost. The next year, in 2010, she ran her first
half-marathon in 2:45 at 215 pounds.
Running reminded her of how good it felt to be alive.
In 2012, after finishing another
half marathon with weight down to 190, she found out she had a stress fracture
in her hip. It proved to be more than physical
setback with time off with physical therapy.
Running had also been an emotional release of the sorrow that would
never fully heal. Depression set in, the
drinking returned, and so did the weight.
The optimism was gone, and so was the newfound hope. In the fall she was able to start swimming,
but could not run yet. But Renee was not
a swimmer. She went to the pool anyway,
and while surrounded by ultra-fit triathletes, she painfully breaststroked (the
only stroke she knew) for 20 minutes before escaping, feeling defeated. She returned anyway.
Renee ended up finding
encouragement and inspiration from those crazy triathletes, and learned how to
swim freestyle, and was encouraged to join a triathlon team. The weight also began to come off, as she
spent every opportunity at the pool and she learned to eat to fuel instead of
soothe.
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| At Age Group Nationals |
In 2013, Renee competed in five
triathlons, and even qualified for the USAT National Championships. Blown away by the achievements that she never
dared dream possible, and being provided such support and encouragement, she is
overcome with gratitude and joy. She is
also almost 90 pounds lighter than she was at her highest of 238, and despite
the surgical and pregnancy scars, her body is almost unrecognizable, even to
her. It is now a machine.
The grief and memories of the
children she lost, will always be a part of her, as she will never be the woman
she was before then. She has been
broken, but also made new, and made stronger.
She has been tested and scarred, and is not only an athlete and warrior,
she is a mom, who lives as a role model to her girls of what it means it means
to live life fully, in memory of those little ones who cannot.
As I sit here writing, feeling my
own baby moving and living within me, Renee’s story is a nightmare that mothers pray will never happen to them.
Miscarriages. Losing children. You worry about your children long before
they are ever born. A child who has lost
their parents is called an orphan, and someone who has lost a spouse is a
widow. But there is no word for someone
who has lost their child. There are
simply no words - just a broken heart.
Yet somehow time keeps moving, and though one can never be the same, you
can become stronger than you ever imagined.
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Original article at: http://www.usatriathlon.org/about-multisport/multisport-zone/my-story/articles/reinventing-who-i-am-111114.aspx
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